Snoring.

You're tired, you're already in the bed and you should've fallen asleep already 1,5 hours ago, because you have an early morning and very important things to do the next day. You're just about to fall asleep, when you hear it. The person next to you has fallen asleep on his back and not-so-loud, but clearly hearable snore reaches your ear. For half a second you hate that person for something he has no control over.

After some time you stop hearing it. You get used to it, it doesn't stop you from falling asleep. He starts to wake up to it himself before you do. And he makes sure that you don't stay awake next to him sleeping, he makes sure you're just about to fall asleep when he's about to do that as well. Or maybe you just get so used to sleeping in the same bed that your rhythms get synchronised. 

I hadn't heard that snore for a long time. On the very first day of our love story he made me promise that I will kick him or hit him if he snores, because it will bother me. So I did. I kept kicking and hitting him, sometimes a bit too hardly almost in my sleep, but most of the time lovingly. After a while it was more effort to raise an arm or a leg for hitting him than listening to him snore for a few more seconds before falling asleep. Then I stopped hearing it, and hadn't even realised that it had happened.

There were times, when I thought I wouldn't be able to hear it night after night. But, you know, you never know. Things went differently. Someone, who said he'd never be able to have a relationship with me "because you don't speak English", who disliked my country and my language, who would never move to my country and who considers my studies to be preparing me for the devil's work, has been here for a while, is here now and will be here until further notice.

Private things.

It happens sometimes, that you hear something and you wish you hadn't been there to hear it. It's not your fault that you heard it and no one blames you for being there, listening. You might even have a permission to be present in the situation. You don't know what to do or what to say, but it doesn't matter since it doesn't matter what you do or say. What you hear doesn't have to be anything bad, just shocking and unexpected to the hearer.

You penetrate someone's privacy and the worst part is that the person whose current life is falling apart doesn't even notice it. Later you keep thinking, how you just stood there, did nothing, didn't even try. You wish you had done something, showed that you try even when everyone knows it doesn't help.

That happened to me today.

End of the world.

One of the first things I remember clearly about my significant other was answering my cell phone when he was calling me via Skype. Back then I thought he's pretty much of an asshole and that Skype would never have any remarkable meaning in my life. It's easy to guess that I was wrong on both of the cases.

When you talk with a close friend living far away, you create a new world, a combination of both of your worlds. Part of you is there, part of him is with you. It's a nice mixture of different worlds that make you feel like the distance wasn't that big after all. If I can hear the sound of a mug hitting the table in a house on a street thousands of kilometers away, it can't really be that far away. If you hear the sounds of the life that you used to be part of, it must be easy to be part of it again.

Time for doing something else instead of talking with a dear friend always comes. When you hear the call ended -sound, for a moment it feels like it's the end of the world. The world you two just created and that reminded you of a lot of things suddenly disappears. You can't hear the sounds of a distant apartment anymore. Suddenly the distance feels bigger than ever before and you wish you could put together pieces of past to create a better future with less missing.

A truck breaking on the roof.

I had been thinking about having an English blog for a while. For some reason writing in English felt like I'd be cheating (and I was worried about making a lot of mistakes). Finally I decided to ignore those feelings. I took the decision in the middle of the night when I happened to wake up. I hate giving names to blogs. That's why I just simply named it after the reason why I'm writing this.

As I mentioned, I woke up in the middle of the night last night. There are pleasant ways of waking up and unpleasant ways of waking up. This one was definitely the latter one. I had no idea who I am or where am I. I heard a terrible noise that sounded like there was a truck on the roof and the driver tried to stop the truck immediately. Since getting a truck on the roof would be such a hassle, I figured out that I was obviously wrong. I had no idea what the noise was and it made me a bit scared.

When I was a child, I thought that grown-ups never get scared. It occurred a couple of times lately that I got scared. Well, to be honest, scared might be slightly extravagant, nervous would be more accurate. In any case I had feelings I thought I wouldn't have when I'm 22. Oddly, I've got nervous when I didn't recognise something nature related. First time I got nervous was in The Netherlands, when the sky was yellow instead of dark. This time I didn't know where the sound came from. For a moment I thought I was going crazy and trust me, I know what crazy means.

There's always an explanation, at least most of the times. Such are these cases as well. Sky was yellow because of strong light pollution and blurry weather. Snow falling down from the roof made the sound last night.